Night of a Thousand Kisses
by The Sketchywallflowr
Summary: All inhibitions lost. Strong sexual content.


Disclaimer: Characters are property of Joss Whedon. And if he knew what I was doing to them, he'd probably have a cow.

* * *

It is a little known fact that on a tiny moon called Grayscale, the native people make tiny pastries called Kisatren, which in their native tongue means "A thousand kisses". It is a highly potent aphrodisiac that makes even the most strong-willed of people succumb to any lusty whim they might have. The crew on Serenity did not know this. Wash, looking down on his crew from heaven, did in fact know this. A perk of being a celestial being is that you literally know everything. And he was laughing heartily at the misfortune that was about to befall all of them.

Mal had gotten a call for a job from someone he could not understand whatsoever. There had been a mediocre translator that said he needed a delivery of some precious metal and that the crew would be paid "pretty-like", which Mal could only assume meant a lot. They picked up the cargo two planets over, and landed without trouble on Grayscale. The people there were odd and eager-faced. The old women wore all black and had big, elaborate shawls covering them. The men wore threadbare hats and shook everyone's hand a dozen times. Mal could hardly understand them, their English too broken and terrible. He could only assume the smiles were thanks, and the leather bag they handed him was the pay. An old lady handed Zoe a small box with a shiny ribbon tied around it. She nodded at Zoe reassuringly, and in turn Zoe thanked her and gave Mal a perturbed glance.

Inside the box were a dozen small cupcake pastries. Zoe laughed at them and shook her head, placing the box on the counter. She and Mal retired to the bridge.

Half an hour later, Kaylee came in for a glass of water and maybe some of the chocolate chip cookies Mal kept hidden on the top shelf. Instead, she plucked a tiny pastry from the box and admired it. "Ooh," she cooed. "Where'd these come from?" She looked for any evidence that they belonged to someone, found none, and popped it into her mouth. It melted like chocolate heaven on her tongue. "Mmm," she purred. She took another and savored it slowly while pouring herself some water. It was too delicious for words. Her entire body felt warm and cozy just from the taste.

Simon came up from behind her and gave her a quick hug. "Hi," he said kindly. "How's the engine coming?"

Kaylee turned around to face him, her eyes meeting his. "I want you," she said simply, her mouth moving faster than her brain. "Now."

"W-what?" he stammered, taken aback. Instead of repeating herself, Kaylee grabbed the doctor and slammed her tongue down his throat. For some reason he just looked good enough to eat. She planned on doing just that. With quick, fierce hands, she unbuckled his belt and started slipping off his trousers.  
"Whoa!" he pleaded. "Kaylee, what-"

"Shut up," she snapped, getting to her knees. Simon looked down at her, then looked around, a bit petrified. What if someone walked in just now?

In a few seconds, he wouldn't care whatsoever.

When it was over, Kaylee wiped her mouth, kissed Simon and walked away, still unsatisfied. He stared after her, not bothering to dress himself for a few moments. What in the world had just happened?

River walked in just as Simon had gotten himself composed. "Hey, beibei," he said awkwardly. She smiled at him, took a pastry and ate it. It was terrible how delicious it was. What if nothing else ever tasted this good again?

"Is this all I can look forward to?" she asked Simon desperately. He arched an eyebrow. "Taste!" she begged, shoving one at him. "Taste! What if nothing else is so good? What if food turns to ash now?"

Simon ate it. It was good- damn good- but probably not 'everything else turns to ash' good. "I don't think you have to worry," he assured her, still a little shaken from Kaylee. "I'm sure other food will be delicious too."

River ate another one but wasn't so convinced. This food made her feel strange. Maybe it was poison? But poison didn't warm you like this. How could it? Poison was to kill, but she felt so very, very alive. "Try another?" she implored him, taking a tiny pastry from the tray. Instead of handing it to him, she bit it gently in her teeth and leaned over toward him. He hesitated for a second, then took it from her mouth with his, their lips brushing slightly. Simon chewed the pastry thoughtfully. Nothing else had ever tasted like this before. Nothing. River leaned closer to him, her eyes watching intensely. He didn't pull away. "Poison," she told him, her voice low. Her mouth was so close now, so near.

"Yes," he agreed, inhaling the scent of her hair. He closed his eyes and pressed his mouth to hers. It was intoxicating. To him, it was the most dizzying, electrifying kiss he had ever had. In all reality, it was the chocolate pastry playing off how disgusted and violated he would feel if this were a normal circumstance. River's tongue probed deep into his mouth, uninhibited. He cupped a hand over her small breath and squeezed gently. "Beibei," he moaned.

River pulled away, her eyes glassy and misty. "To sleep, perchance, to dream," she told him, and floated from the room. He watched her go, again confused. Maybe he needed to lie down. Lie down with someone. Best if they were both naked. He walked into the hallways, looking around. Simon had been drunk very few times but distinctly remembered this is sort of what it felt like.

Zoe entered the kitchen mere seconds after Simon had left it. The pastries had been gotten into. "Must be good," she reasoned, trying one. "Half of 'em are gone already." And hell if they weren't the best cupcake things in the verse. Mal needed to try one. The people on Grayscale couldn't speak very well, but boy howdy they could cook. She grabbed two more (another for herself) and headed back to the bridge. "Here," she said to Mal, placing a chocolate in his hand. "It's really good."

He ate it without question. "Yep," he agreed. Melted just right, like a warm cookie. Sat well on the palette. He gave a quick, meaningless sidelong glance to Zoe. He was surprised to find she was staring right at him, an unusual expression on her face. "What?" he asked.

"When was the last time you had a woman, Mal?"

"Mal?" he asked, a bit taken aback by her directness. "What, no 'sir' for this?"

Zoe got up and straddled his lap, her eyes locking into his. "I'll call you whatever you want," she crooned, her voice thick and velvety. Mal swallowed hard. Very slowly, Zoe started unlacing her leather vest. Mal watched with hawk's eyes, not wanting to miss a moment of this. One by one, every piece of clothing Zoe had been wearing slipped off her slender body. She swayed for Mal a little, her breasts just visible in the low light. "What do you want?" she whispered. Mal got up from his seat, backing Zoe up until she hit the control board. He swept Wash's beloved dinosaurs off the panel and lifted Zoe onto it, kissing down her body. She moaned at every touch of his lips. His cheek nestled in the soft hairs below her navel before he plunged his tongue into her depths.

With her heightened senses, it didn't take long for her to cry out in orgasm. Still panting, she hopped down from her perch.

"Where you going?" Mal asked breathlessly.

"We still have frosting from River's birthday, right?" Mal nodded, and Zoe smiled wickedly. "I'll be back." She walked off, still stark naked, back to the kitchen.

During the interim, Jayne had decided to get some grub because River had cooked dinner and what she made would not have been appetizing to a dung heap. He was rooting around in the cupboards for something that didn't require a lot of prep, but rehydrated protein bars (or regurgitated, as Jayne put it) weren't going to do the trick. However, a couple of tiny cupcakes might make a nice snack. Jayne popped two in his mouth at one, then had the last one because they were that good. Feeling satisfied enough, he decided to go wandering around and see if he couldn't get Kaylee to entertain him somehow. On his way to the engine room, he heard odd noises coming from River's room. Very odd. Some kind of moaning, like she were getting an all-over massage. He opened the door a crack to see if she was okay. Oh, she was more than okay. She was laying on her bed, completely naked, her small hand roaming her body with reckless abandon. Jayne was instantly at full attention.

River looked up to her intruder, not surprised in the least. "You coming in?' she asked. Jayne did, closing the door half-assedly behind him. As soon as he was close enough, River knocked him to the floor and was on top of him. "Naked," she demanded, already tearing his clothes off.

"Okay," he agreed readily.

While River and Jayne rode one another roughly for the next twenty or so minutes, Kaylee decided she was going to have another cupcake. She'd been sitting on the vibrating engine for a while, thoroughly enjoying herself. But now she was out of breath and hungry again. She came to find Zoe standing naked at the refrigerator, bent over and looking for something. Kaylee stared. When Zoe finally looked up, she only looked a little embarrassed. "Kaylee," she said, surprised.

"Wow," Kaylee breathed, taking in the view. Secretly, ever since Inara had entertained the female ambassador, Kaylee had wondered what being with another woman had been like. She'd been too shy to ask Inara outright.  
"I was…" Zoe said softly, holding up the plastic canister of frosting. "I was getting this." She smiled a little, then took the top off the frosting. Her finger dipped into it. She licked the small lump of sugar off her finger slowly. "Want some?" she asked, her voice enticing. Kaylee was by her side in an instant, taking some frosting and having a taste.

"Come on," Kaylee whispered, taking Zoe's hand. She led her through the ship, past the ruckus in River's room and back to the engine room. If she was going to do this, she was going to do it right. Once they were alone, Kaylee dipped her finger in the frosting and smeared some on Zoe's breast. Hesitant at first, she licked it off. Zoe gasped in delight. Feeling more confident, she painted lines and circles all over the other woman's body, cleaning up where she traced with an eager tongue. In mere moments Zoe was panting heavily. She grabbed Kaylee's shoulders, guiding her to the hammock in the corner. Moving her hand gently over the mechanic's body, she took off Kaylee's greasy overalls and lacy pink panties. "Lie down," she murmured. "And close your eyes."

Kaylee leaned over and kissed Zoe's mouth before she obeyed. It was soft and warm, much softer than Simon's mouth was. Her back arched as Zoe moved down her body, teasing Kaylee with her tongue.

Mal grew tired of waiting for Zoe. He marched into the kitchen wondering what was taking so long. He didn't find Zoe but Simon, who was guzzling water over the sink. "You all right?" Mal asked.

"Yeah," Simon answered, not turning around. "I just feel a bit… off tonight."

"I know what you mean." Mal studied the young doctor's slender figure, his clean, perfectly groomed hair. The smooth back of his neck. Moving slowly, Mal approached Simon from behind. As Simon placed his water glass gently in the sink, Mal leaned against him from behind, pushing his pelvis into Simon's thigh. The doctor froze.

"M-mal?" he stammered, feeling the familiar wave of lust rushing to his groin.

"Mm?" His breath teased the skin at the nape of Simon's neck. He traced his lips lightly on the skin, breathing in the masculine scent of a man. Mal had smelled men before, but it never raised this kind of reaction from him. He nibbled the back of Simon's earlobe, letting his mouth take its time. Simon shuddered. He was pressed against the sink, and Mal's hardness was pressing into him from behind. He almost wished they were someplace else, alone in a bedroom, where they could be naked and maybe, just maybe, Simon would let Mal do more than just kiss him from behind. He reached his hand behind his back, feeling the hot bulge in Mal's pants. He stroked it through the fabric, making the captain moan in his ear. "_Duo me qi miao,_" he grunted. Mal pushed his groin into Simon's hand then walked off, leaving them both unsatisfied.

Down in the lower decks, River took Jayne by the hand and got him to his feet. "Come," she said breathlessly.

"Again?' he asked coyly. She led him into the engine room where Zoe was on her knees in front of Kaylee, whose legs were draped over either side of Zoe's head. Kaylee was moaning something wonderful. "Whoa," Jayne murmured.

Zoe looked up guiltily, but smiled. "Whoa yourself," she said, gazing at his lower extremities. Kaylee sat up and smiled as well. "Come here," she told Jayne. He stood behind Zoe, who was still leaning over and tickling Kaylee with her tongue. Without hesitation Jayne thrusted into her, and she moaned deeply in the back of her throat. Kaylee propped herself up onto her elbows to watch, still enjoying what Zoe was doing to her. This was something she hadn't even dared dream about.

Kaylee cried out suddenly, and Jayne's grip on Zoe's hips tightened ever so slightly. Zoe moved so Jayne could have access to Kaylee now, finding herself a nice spot on the floor. She absently started touching herself, something River was soon quick to help with. Zoe watched River's hands move over her body, assured and eager. The only time she hesitated was when her finger traced the top of Zoe's thighs, silently asking permission to go further. Zoe parted her legs, indicating River was given full access to her private parts.

Kaylee looked Jayne up and down eagerly. This was something she had been wanting since long before Simon had arrived. In the back of her mind she always wondered, _Was Jayne as big beneath as he was everywhere else_? That and then some. She looked directly into his eyes and licked her lips, something she had practiced many times and found it always worked. This time was no different.

Once Zoe had shuddered another orgasm, she decided she needed to get some rest. Plainly put, she was exhausted.

River watched Kaylee and Jayne for a while, until she had an idea of her own. Malcolm Reynolds.

The captain had appealed to her in so many ways. Mal meant bad. But he wasn't bad, not really. And he was handsome. She ran through the ship, passing Simon at one point but not stopping. She ran until she found Mal in the cargo area, pacing. He seemed troubled. "Mal?" she asked him. He saw her, and immediately looked away.

"Why're you, ah… Where are your clothes?"

River shrugged. "It's cold," she said.

"A bit, yeah." _I was actually just thinking how hot I am, _Mal thought. _But you wouldn't know that, would you? _

"Mal is hot?" He looked up at her, startled. She was looking right through him with those big, wondrous eyes. "Mal is hot?" she asked again.

"A bit," he admitted, letting himself scan her young body.

"River is cold," she informed him, moving closer. "Mal is hot. Should not the two comply?"

"Comply?" he breathed, trying to keep his hands to himself. But hell, she was so gorram close now. "Comply to what?"

"Each other." She reached out and touched his chest, slipping apart a button on his shirt. The skin beneath was smooth, fine hairs scattered everywhere. River smiled because of it. "Can you make me warm again?"

"Reckon so," he admitted, scooping her into his arms.

"And River can douse his fire."

"I sure hope so," he said, laying her down on a big old crate. "Cuz right now, I sure could use some dousing."

"Or," River smiled, "will she pour gasoline on it, igniting him further?"

"Either way works just fine," Mal told her, kissing lightly on her neck and chest. River took his shirt off him, her hands wandering all over him. His skin was surprisingly smooth considering he labored so hard all the time.

Kaylee, completely exhausted, fell asleep in her hammock. Jayne covered her with a blanket, but he was far from tired. He'd been gentle with little Kaylee, and right now he needed to slam someone or he'd never put out the fire of lust. He paced the underbelly of the ship impatiently, moving from the engine room out into the hallway, up the stairs, back down again and finally decided to hell with it all and headed back for his room.

Simon was waiting for him when he got there.

"The hell do you want?" he asked, eyeing the doc up and down.

"Mal kissed me," Simon said immediately.

Jayne choked on a response. "Huh?" he managed to get out.

"And I liked it." Simon was looking at him with strange, steady eyes. Jayne wasn't sure what to do. The doc was moving closer to him, his gaze never faltering.

"So?" Jayne asked, trying to sound indifferent. "What do you want from me?"

Simon, now almost pressed against the merc, reached out and touched just below Jayne's belt. "This," he said huskily. "Hard. I want you to throw me down and make me scream. I want it to hurt."

That was startling news. Jayne didn't quite know what to make of that proposal. Normally, he'd have knocked Simon out and that would be that. But tonight… well frankly it sounded like a damn good idea. He had just been thinking that what he needed was a good, hard, up-against-the-wall session. "Okay," he said, immediately slamming Simon against a wall. Simon grinned. Being with Kaylee was wonderful and sweet, but a small part of him had always wondered what it would be like to have someone take total control, to make it hurt and not stop no matter how much you begged. Jayne had been the perfect candidate for something like that.

Jayne, having Simon pinned against the wall, bit his neck gently. The doctor pushed back forcefully, but lust can make a man mighty strong. Jayne gave him several more nips, not breaking the skin but close to it. Simon tossed his head from side to side, trying to push Jayne off. At last he managed, flinging him to the other side of the hallway. Jayne stared at him a moment, confused. Simon grabbed his wrists and held them tight, then sank his teeth into Jayne's shoulder.

"Ow!" he cried out, biting the doc's bottom lip with a rough kiss. Simon pushed hard against his head, kissing him harder back. Jayne slipped a hand out of his tight grasp and grabbed his ass, squeezing it hard. Simon moaned into his mouth. Jayne pushed his thigh between Simon's legs, rubbing himself against the hardness he found there. Simon yelped in pain, but hoping he didn't stop. Kaylee had always been sweet, tender, absolutely perfect. But in the back of his mind, Simon had always wondered how this would feel, to throw someone into walls and have your way with them.

Whilst Jayne slammed Simon hard, River and Mal were soft and easy. She fell asleep afterward and he, after getting some pants on, carried her to her room and put her to bed. He shut the door quietly behind him.

"Mal?"

He turned, a bit surprised, and found Kaylee standing in the doorway to the engine room. She was wearing nothing but her panties and a tiny tee shirt. "Uh…"he said, not knowing what else to say. She was adorable, like a college girl at a sleepover.

"Going to bed?" she asked softly.

"Probably," he told her. "Been some night."

Kaylee nodded. "Uh huh."

"You too?"

"Uh huh." She smiled at him, and his heart melted. Not thinking much, Mal gave her a small hug and kissed her forehead. Kaylee turned her face up to him and reciprocated with a deep kiss on the mouth. "Goodnight captain," she said softly, then returned to her hammock in the engine room.

"Yeah," Mal said to himself as he wandered back upstairs. "Like I'll sleep after that."

After it was over, Simon climbed out of Jayne's room and collapsed onto the floor just outside Zoe's door. She awoke with a start, pulled a robe on and went to see who had just died. She found Simon sprawled on the floor. "You okay?" she asked.

"I don't know," he told her honestly. "I'm exhausted."

"From what?" He looked at her, then chuckled. Zoe waited for an explanation, but it seemed she wasn't going to get one. "You need help getting to bed?"

"You know… I don't think I can move another inch."

She noticed he wasn't wearing a shirt. Or shoes. Or, now that she was awake some, pants. He was in his boxer shorts and there were a few bite marks on his chest and shoulders. "You want to sleep in my room?" she offered.

"Okay," he shrugged. Everything was topsy-turvy tonight. He crawled down the ladder to Zoe's bedroom, then fell in a heap onto her bed. She helped him under the blankets, then crawled in beside him, not really thinking about how she was still nude. Simon looked over at her. "It's been an odd day," he confessed.

"Yes," she agreed. "I know what you mean." He was an attractive man, that doctor. His skin was smooth and hairless. _I wonder if he shaves his chest?_ she thought, then decided to find out. Her fingers traced thin lines down his pecks. He looked up at her, a bit startled. Her hand went further down, touching his smooth stomach. Then his lower stomach. The she took gentle hold of him, her hand moving slowly. He closed his eyes and breathed deep, sliding his hand under the sheets to between Zoe's legs.

While her brother and Zoe entertained one another, River awoke and wondered how she got where she was. She pulled on a nightgown and went to look for someone. Had it all been a dream? With her mind, she never knew what was real and what wasn't. Kaylee was in her hammock in the engine room. "Hi, River," she said brightly, although her voice was mellow.

"Was it true?" she asked immediately.

"I don't know," Kaylee told her, motioning for her to sit with her. River crawled in beside the mechanic, not sure if she'd asked the right question. "You okay?" Kaylee asked.

"Unsure," River said. She laid an arm over Kaylee's waist. Kaylee smelled like soap and something unique. It was the smell of Serenity. She looked up into Kaylee's soft green eyes. Their mouths touched together, kissing deeply and softly. River moved her hand between Kaylee's thighs, finding her wet and slick. She gasped.

"Oh," Kaylee whispered, moving herself closer to the girl beside her. "Yes." Their legs entwined with one another's, fingers touching and rubbing and penetrating until both of them, pleased and exhausted, fell asleep in each other's arms.

Once Simon had left, Jayne laid awake for a good, long while. He decided eventually to go lift weights, if only to get his mind on something coherent. Mal was already down there, looking haggard. "Hey, cap'n," Jayne said. Mal nodded. Jayne arched an eyebrow. "Everything all right?"

"Sure, I guess." He didn't seem convinced. "You?"

Jayne shrugged. "Can't complain." Mal looked tense. He always did. More than likely if Mal would loosen up, he'd be a happier man for it. Maybe if Mal got laid, he wouldn't be such a hardass. Now there was an idea. Jayne mulled it over. "So," he said casually, "Simon tells me you kissed him."

Mal didn't seem surprised by the question. "Not quite, but something like that, yeah."

"Any good?"

He had to think it over. "Yeah," he decided. "Real good. Just wish…"

"What?"

"We'd have gone further." This wasn't anywhere near the kind of conversation Jayne and Mal would usually have. But neither of them had been much themselves tonight, and both of them had an ulterior motive on their mind.

"That so?" Jayne prodded. "Like where?"

Mal shrugged shyly. "Don't know."

Jayne came up behind the captain, putting an arm around his waist and drawing him close. "You were this close to him, from what I understand."

"Just about," Mal breathed, the familiar swell in his trousers returning. He felt the merc's breath on his neck, then the man's lips softly kissing him. He closed his eyes. Jayne's other hand slipped up under his shirt and pulled him closer.

"Just about," Jayne repeated between kisses. "What now?"

"Well," Mal gasped, "I guess… I'd…" He leaned his head back onto Jayne's shoulder, turning it as best he could. Jayne kissed his mouth briefly.

"I'm waiting for orders, captain," Jayne said impatiently.

Mal took hold of the hand around his waist and moved it lower. "I'd have gone there," he said breathlessly.

"Just like this?" Jayne slipped his hand under the waistband. Mal couldn't speak, just nod. "Then what?"

"Then…" He hissed a breath as Jayne took hold of him. "_That_," he moaned.

"That all?"

"No."

"Then what?"

"Then… _oh, wow_… I'd… my mouth…"

"That so?" Jayne mused. He moved in front of Mal, his hand never leaving him. He kissed him full on the mouth, his expert tongue swirling around. "You sure?"

"Absolutely."

Jayne smirked, slowly lowering himself to his knees.

* * *

When Kaylee woke up and saw River spooning beside her, she started screaming. River never let anyone scream alone, so she joined in. The noise woke up Simon and Zoe, who yelled themselves before Simon scrambled out of bed and made a run for the door. The banging of Simon's footsteps in the hallways snapped Mal awake, who looked over and Jayne and found he had no idea what to do or say. Jayne looked up at him, a mix between terror and confusion on his face.

And Wash, from his first row seat in heaven, laughed and laughed and laughed.


End file.
